The Bowel Movement

All men do it. They even have a plethora of names for it. "Taking a Duke", "Pinching a Loaf", "Taking a Dump", "Cheesing", and "Crapping to the Porcelain God", to name a few. Feel free, all ye guys, to add to the list.

No. There is nothing wrong with having a bowel movement. In fact, it is a biological necessity of life. And, in case you didn't know, women do it too. They also have names for it, but this is a Man Lesson.

The problem is the daily report. "Oh man, I just had a great dump!" Or, "I know you don't want to hear about this, but this one was sooooo long!" Fellas, women do not want to hear this.

They know you do it. They hear you do it. They smell it. They often clean up after it. So truly, it is not necessary to offer up the morning (if you are regular) report on rectal output. It's OK. Glad it's good, and leave it at that.

Some guys like to spend a bit of time on the toilet, with their magazine. This is good. Give the body time to perform it's peristalsis (the rhythmic activity within the intestines of, er...squeezing it out). It is good etiquette to organize around your special time in the water closet. Check with others. See if they may need to be in there oh, any time between now and the next two hours. It's polite. Arrange that, and then, go at it.

Remember, though, once you exit your little poop party, DO NOT REPORT. You can talk about it here, but nowhere else. OK?!?

Say after me: I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT MY DUMP WITH ANYONE. Only on this post is it ok to talk about your fecal release.

I think you will find that this little bit of advice will prove beneficial to you and your relationship.


deorre