Saliva Propulsion Immersion Technique (SPIT)

Alright men, I got past the headline with the really clever acronym. Saliva Propulsion Immersion Technique (SPIT). Spitting is something detested by girls, so I needed to create a 'scientific' nomenclature for this extremely important reality of male social development.

There is a dance and we men must find the right steps. If you want a girl, you have to effectively manage your saliva. Yet, if you want to be a man, you have to spit. So the first thing is to develop a sense of when it is NOT OK to propel the mouthy substance.

This is really simple. If there are girls around, and you think you might want one, don't spit. If you are not attracted to any, and you want them to go away, then spit. Spit alot.

Now, if you are just hanging with the guys, then spitting is cool. Everybody just standing around, in an informal circle, tilting head forward, and dropping a load. Nothing quite like the look of a sidewalk where a bunch of dudes have completed a COLLECTIVE SPAT. A real bonding. Add a drum or two, and you have a freaking man-ritual.

Speaking of rituals, a man needs to train his son how to spit. And of course, when to spit. Again, if there are girls around, it is Saliva Propulsion Immersion Technique. If it's just the guys, it's SPIT.

When teaching your son how to spit, there are some basic lessons to go over. Once you have offered those up, it's then up to the young fledgling spittee to create his own flair and style.

There is the lugee, which consists of saliva and snot, and can be propelled great distances. It is ok to simply drop a lugee straight down, too. There is the blow technique, where you use the air in your mouth to shoot for greater distance. Many a contest has been borne out of this style--again, a male bonding episode. And then there is the basic hang, with variations. Tilting head forward, and letting it drop. This is when you are proud of what you have created, and the puddle at your feet is your badge of honor. A variation of this is the 'hang time' spit. With a little mucus, you can hang a spit for nearly a minute before letting it drop!

So there you have it. SPIT.

deorre
Spitting for the Species